A month ago, I noticed a serious degradation in my vision.  While in the bathroom one day, I closed my right eye and and nearly panicked.  I could barely see out of my left eye;  everything was very blurry, and I couldn’t see any details.  My right eye, while also sporting bad eyesight, was the only thing that was keeping me from being able to read.

At first I thought it was an infection, but after a week it didn’t go away.  Our eyes are amazing healers, and can heal very fast.  So I decided to go to an ophthalmologist and find out what was going on.  As it turned out, there is heavy scarring on my eyes, more so on my left eye.  The scarring were caused by a bunch of tiny blood vessels forming on the back of my cornea, blocking my vision.  The ophthalmologist couldn’t even get a reading on my vision because of this.

He mentioned that if left unchecked, I could go blind.  I was given steroid-infused eye drops to take for a week and then come back.  After a week, the blurriness went away and my vision improved considerably.  I was quite relieved.  He recommended eventually to have laser surgery to remove the blood vessels at the base, then a cornea transplant, which he said my eye will at first reject.  Once it did, then I would get another cornea transplant.  He felt this would be a suitable long-term plan for my eyesight.

Meanwhile I’m still taking the eye drops for a month to keep the inflammation at bay.  However I find myself lying awake at night wondering if I was going to eventually end up blind, and if so, how I would handle it.  What would my life be like?  Would I handle it admirably, or would I fall into a dark hole I’ll never get out of?

I’m a creature of my senses, they are the only things that make sense to me in life, and the only things I fully trust.  I just can’t imagine one being taken from me without feeling a deep despair.