Jack Bauer

People know plenty about Chuck Norris, but what about the man who can kick his butt in his sleep, Jack Bauer? If you’re in the dark, Jack Bauer is the fictional character from the hit television show, 24. Here are the top 10 facts about Jack Bauer you should know:

  1. When he yells at you that we don’t have time for this, he’s really saying he’s about to shoot you in the leg … twice, if you don’t tell him what he needs to know.
  2. If you hear him say, “I think you’re making a mistake.” then he’s about to shoot you in the leg again, and he’ll tell the medic not to give you any pain killers.
  3. When he stammers, looks at the floor, and says something quietly, he’s not being sensitive. He’s just wondering how many terrorists he has kicked in the nuts that day.
  4. If you fall in love with him, be sure you can hold a relationship over the cell phone for most of the day. When he comes home, don’t ask him what he did at work, you’ll just get a rundown of torture techniques that happens to be the flavor of the week at the time.
  5. MacGyver calls up Jack Bauer all the time to ask him what he can do with certain household objects when the situation gets bad.
  6. If Jack Bauer doesn’t trust you, and you don’t trust him, then trust me, you’re screwed.
  7. When Jack Bauer goes to bed, his good dreams are filled with terrorists having nightmares about meeting him.
  8. Jack Bauer’s roundhouse kick isn’t lethal, only because he wants to knock you out to torture you later for info.
  9. Jack Bauer doesn’t eat. He inserts an IV feed that gives him everything he needs to kick ass for 24 hours straight.
  10. A terrorist slapped Jack Bauer once. Once.